CATEGORY: Confessions of Grief & Loss

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month is coming to a close and I promised myself that I would take this opportunity to share a few things before the month ends. If you have been following me on Instagram or Facebook, then you know that I have had a few appearances to related to this tender topic. However, prior to agreeing to any events my mind has heavily been on my angel baby, Walter. I have learned that I grieve in seasons and in this current season where I am happy, loved, and fulfilled, I am also sad, reflective, and heavy...

It took five years for us to get to the point of deciding to have another baby after the stillbirth of our first son Walter. For a while, I questioned whether or not I was meant to be a mother. I felt inadequate. I was mad at God because I could not understand why he would allow us to become pregnant only for our baby not to live. We were not even trying to get pregnant but we were excited and full of anticipation. So after losing Walter, I decided motherhood was not for me, at least not any time...

Remembering Alison S. Moore I had just spoken to her on Friday evening. I had planned to call her on Tuesday on my way to work. Monday was a holiday. But on that particular day, I received a worrisome message. I called as requested and found out that my friend had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I am sure I experienced all of the stages of grief at once and separately. Though I am no stranger to grief related to the death of a loved one this is the first time that I have lost a friend, a close friend. It...

There’s a hole in my heart where joy used to be. There’s a hole in my heart where anticipation resided. There’s a hole in my heart where hope bubbled over. There’s a hole in my heart where you used to be. I will not get over it, but I will get through it. Coretta Collins October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I have learned from my personal experience that losing a baby can be a very lonely place. It is a place of disenfranchised grief. Disenfranchised grief is grief that is hidden or unaccepted. It is often minimized...

On February 8th my first son would be 14 years old if he was alive. The pregnancy came as a surprise and we were ecstatic. We found creative ways to tell our friends and family. My pregnancy was glorious. I know that sounds hard to believe but it really was. I didn’t have morning sickness. I didn’t even get swelling in my feet. I didn’t have much pain as my body ballooned and blossomed. I had some fatigue, but it wasn’t unbearable. As far as pregnancies go that one was my easiest.  Things had been progressing normally. He was moving...

This post is a continuation of my stillbirth experience. If you haven’t read part one be sure to do so first. I was admitted to the hospital and moved to a room in the labor and delivery unit. I lay there willing my baby to move. Willing him to wake up. I even thought I felt movement sometimes which I understand is a normal feeling. I was in shock. I felt all the stages of grief at once and not at all. I just knew this could not be my reality. How could my baby have died inside me? What...